Lonesome Dove

"Whatchoo doin' out here, lonesome dove?" he asks me.  A tall, thin man in a striped and collared shirt, far more chipper than his old age demands.  I've seen him here before, sweeping the floor, moving furniture.  His teeth are so white and straight, I wonder if they're real.

"Oh, just readin'," I respond.  Some stuff on grief, on fear of man, on how to read the Bible, some historical Jesus-lovin' fiction, a kids' Bible and the Word itself.  It's too hot to be sitting outside in the middle of Texas summer, but here I am.

I suppose it's pretty clear I want to hear from you, Lord; yet what plagues me is what always plagues me after a big decision: are you disappointed in me?  Am I still yours? 

I remember now that Jesus let Lazarus die so that His power might be revealed more fully, so that the onlookers might believe.  You let me wrestle and cry and ask so that I might know it's you when the Spirit's comfort fills my veins (com-fort: with strength) and when you really do work all things for those who are called by you, kept by you.  But it's still hard to be a human being and to see you only dimly.

"What's your name?" I ask him.  He seems to me like someone who could've travelled with the circus half a century ago, train-hopping and joke-telling.  He's spunky.  A ramblin' man.

"Dick.  Dick Patrick," he answers like they do in the movies and takes a seat.  "Like the saint, but I'm no saint."

I think, then smile for a second.  "Do you know Jesus?" I ask him.

The crow's feet around his eyes deepen as a smile grows, and he answers, "I know Jesus." He looks down, nodding faintly.

"Well then, you're a saint,"  I say.

"Yeah...that's what my wife says," he answers quickly, doubt in his voice.  "But I sure don't feel like I've reached my saintliness yet."  He looks up at me with wide eyes.

I'm about to reply--something about imputed righteousness, probably, but then he sees that there's furniture that needs to be moved, so he stands up and hurries back inside.

If we're being real, I feel more like Dick than I do like a saint.  But therein lies some of the beauty of the cross.  We really are just jars of clay, broken pottery that God loved before the first sunrise and picked up and filled with Gospel treasure that is ours forever.  We're called sons only because we are friends of Jesus, the God-man who lived to give us life, was slain, was raised, is seated, and prays for us even now, that our faith might not fail.  And if sons, then heirs.  Heirs of all that is the Father's, and nothing can separate us from His love.

We don't feel much like saints, but God can't lie.  He tells us He is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything.  We look and we live.  Praise him.

Love is so good.

"The Holy Spirit comforts us by communicating to us and acquainting us with the love of the Father.  Christ assured the disciples of this.  He said, 'The Father himself loves you' (John 16:27).  He comforts us by persuading us of the eternal and unchangeable love of the Father.  Such a soul may say, 'The world hates me, but my Father loves me.  Men despise me as a hypocrite, but my Father loves me as a child.  I am poor in this world, but I have a rich inheritance in the love of my Father.  I mourn in secret under the power of my lusts and sins where no eyes see me, but the Father sees me and he is full of compassion  With this sense of his love, which is better than life, I rejoice in tribulation, glory in affliction and triumph as a conqueror.  Though I am killed all day long, yet all my sorrows have a depth that can be fathomed and my trials have bounds which can be reached.  But the breadth, depth and height of the love of the Father, who can measure that?"  -John Owen, Communion With God (200)

A Sweet Blog from Fabs!

Taken from: http://www.fabsharford.com/?p=946

Encourage your soul today by begging God’s Spirit to dwell in you through faith in these truths:

1. God will give you the grace any time you need it.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.  Hebrews 4:16

Boy, this verse is a winner.  You know what it means? You never have to worry about a grace shortage.  The greater the need, the greater the grace you will be given.

2. God will deliver you from problems you caused yourself.

Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me. Psalm 50:15

The people of Israel are a walking picture of this promise.  In the book of Judges they continue to disobey God and He continues to deliver them.  You know who else is a walking picture of this promise?  Me.  You.  Any one of us who was dead in our own sin and delivered from death by His great grace.

3. God will bless you through wrongs others have done.

The great news of the Gospel is that even the wrongs done to you by others are part of God’s plan to bring you great good.  Check out Joseph: his brothers attempted murder, then sold him into slavery and then he went to prison for trying to pursue purity.  Here’s what he says about all that:

As for you [brothers], you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.  Genesis 50:20

4. God is in complete control of the hearts of every person you encounter.  

The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will.  Proverbs 21:1

That promise will keep you up at night and bring you peace all day.

5. God has a perfect plan for each day of your life.

… in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.  Psalm 139:16

Each one of your days was written for the very same purpose: God’s glory and your joy.   Those things aren’t separate really; God’s glory will equal more joy for you.

Here’s the catch: this promise doesn’t mean that your days will always be filled with the things you want.

Some days will feel empty and painful.  They will feel this way – not in spite of God’s promise to spend every minute on His glory and your joy – but because of that promise.   For those in Christ, God will do whatever it takes to display Himself in your life and with that display will come your greatest joy.

Neat.

11 pm, March 1

The smell of hot pavement at night and a clear night sky that reminds me that I am small and You are not.  The gift of prayer.  


Idols make us waste away and shrink-wrap our lives and blur our vision, jealousy hurts our bones, neglecting to call family creates even more distance, the width of our knowledge of you says nothing of the depth, and the moment we become proud, feeling like we've finally arrived at the end of a long trial, it sneaks back up on us. 


Yet, despite all of the sickness of my heart that you're showing me, I know you're at work for good and you never change and you are all-powerful and holy.  I am your daughter.  


Warm milk and table talk with Christina tonight.  Talked about worship, honesty, family, resentment, missions, fear, read Spurgeon's evening devotional and pondered time.


One of those rare moments in which we stand outside of ourselves and marvel that we are living, breathing, moving, here.  Time and space are real, but you've set eternity in our hearts.  "Soon we'll be with Him," I said, and we were both completely silent for one long moment.  "That was real sweet," she said, laughing.  It's true.  Soon and very soon.  And it's so sad and so joyous at once.  The world just keeps on spinning and we just keep getting older, but every day, your mercies are new and you call us to come closer.  Great is your faithfulness.  

"'I yield, I yield.  Thy love 
        has won my heart.'


So in every case: loving kindness 
       wins the day.  
What Moses with the tablets of stone   
       could never do, 
Christ does with His pierced hand."
   
-Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Nothing is random.  And it has been my greatest comfort this week.  Our God is a God of both the details and the big picture, He is sovereign, His eye is on the sparrow, He has ordained all of our days, nothing comes to pass in our lives or in the world if He has not let it come through the hedge of His holy love. 

Listening to Dr. Cummings the other night as he leaned on the chair in front of him, hands clasped together, an older man whose eyes have seen much more misfortune than my own and ears that have heard many more sorrows, I was reassured of this goodness and sovereignty of God.  Nothing happens by chance—no meal with friends, no speeding ticket, no muttered word, no sickness, no phone call.  God is exposing us, speaking to us, unfolding His great plans by way of tiny moments.  He is not the author of brokenness and sin, but He holds all the universe in His hands as Creator and Sustainer, the Great Story Weaver, Lord of our hearts, Author and Perfecter of our faith. 

In a blog post that I read this week, Tim Challies writes, “When you believe that God is sovereign, you must also see that there are no mundane, insignificant moments in life. Boaz had no idea that helping Ruth gather barley would lead to him fulfilling Naomi’s need for an heir. Every moment, every circumstance, is an opportunity to serve God, to declare your allegiance to him, to proclaim your trust in his promises. This is true when we work and worship, when we fellowship and commute and check email and eat dinner and go shopping and give birth and everything else that makes life what it is. We can’t choose the moments and the circumstances that God will use to unfold his plan. All we can do is be faithful with every moment he gives us. God is always there in the background, at work, on the move, even or maybe especially when we do not see him.”

Life begins when we latch onto this reality—every moment, our God is at work for our benefit and His glory, every moment He is looking to reveal more of Himself to us and to be glorified in our lives—all of our thoughts and speech and conduct and meals and money and minutes.  The reality of His sovereignty is both exhilarating and comforting, because He gives us the privilege every minute to work alongside Him and by His Spirit to the praise of His glorious grace, but also because we're reassured that we cannot thwart His plans no matter how we fail.  Praise Him!!   

http://www.challies.com/articles/dont-skip-the-postscript - more

Simple

“The Christian life is simple, but it’s not easy,” said Mandy as we sat on the exceptionally fluffy couch at Zera on Monday afternoon.  We’d both been sharing about our present fears, visions about where we might be headed, answers to prayer, and gospel vitamins we’ve been chewing on.  God’s made it pretty clear that He loves us, that we cannot thwart His plans, that He is good and will do us good, and that He is in control, and yet we have to make the choice each day (and moment by moment) to choose to trust Him and to live in the light and for His kingdom come –that, or to let fear paralyze us, to keep certain parts of our lives and hearts to ourselves (sitting on our idols as if He doesn’t know they’re there!), choosing our own kingdom come and our own will be done.  Such a simple choice, but not easy.  

As we learned about Deuteronomy the other night, two short imperatives stuck out to me and have been swimming around in my mind, one straight from God’s lips and one from Ann’s:  “Choose life” (Dt. 30:19) and “Dance with the One who brought you.”  

What does “choosing life” look like?  I think it looks the same as dancing with the One who turned my mourning into a dance in the first place.  As defined by God by way of the progressive verbs in Deuteronomy 30:20, choosing life happens “by loving the LORD [my] God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is [my] life and the length of [my] days…” (NASB)  And what does that look like?  The ESV Study Bible’s footnote says, “To choose life is to choose God himself, to trust in God’s grace and circumcision of the heart” (375). To want Him, to believe He has chosen us as children of His grace and that He has made us new creations in Christ, to cling to Him and throw ourselves upon Him, the only Solid Rock.  Dependence. Surrender. Trust.  Intimacy. Obedience. Love.   

Before Mandy and I left Zera, she shared with me a picture of sanctification that one of her professors recently shared: Two trucks.  One is shiny and perfect and new, and one is completely broken down, rusted and dented—in short, a total wreck.  When God saves us, He takes us as His own and begins us on the road of sanctification.  His Holy Spirit (the shiny, new truck) attaches Himself permanently to the beloved sinner (the broken-down truck) and pulls him or her along. Each of us is still in the driver’s seat of the broken-down truck, and though we have no say in the matter of our ultimate destination (God will complete the work He started in us), we can still, instead of submitting to the course He’s set out for us, try to steer the wheel every which way, slowing down the process of sanctification.  We cannot see everything that He does, so of course we often think our way is better.  How much more joyous a ride, though, just to let Him drive.  To choose life and to dance with Him who brought me—this is my heart’s desire!  Simple, but never easy.  

Ecclesiastes 4:6

Christina and I just sitting on her bed, ten on a Tuesday night, legs crossed, singing together in hushed voices so as not to wake the two upstairs.  There I am with longish fingernails on guitar, fumbling along but joyful, hair to one side; there she is after having spent the evening at a funeral, eyes closed, barefoot; both of us sobered by our weakness, grateful for His presence, resting, resting.  "Nothing But the Blood," "Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee," "Hymn," and "The Nails In Your Hands" from our lips to His ear.  Prayer.  Stillness.  

Thank you for this world, for loving us before its foundations, for giving us yourself to enjoy, for breath in our lungs. Thank you for bidding us rest and for drawing us out of bed in the morning.  For fullness of life.  Humble us, train us by your grace to flee to the cross in moments of doubt and despair. Teach us to sit with you and hand over our hearts. Deliver us from the enemy's snares.  Help us to consider others as better than ourselves and to think about ourselves less. Bless this home, draw us closer to each other and ever closer to you in Jesus' name.  


"Life is better together," she said as I headed up to bed.  And we broke out in a Jack Johnson chorus. 

Joshua 10: It Is Finished

Today I'm reading Joshua.  It is sweet to find that my bleeding heart is no longer completely repulsed by what God commands the Israelites to do in the Promised Land, but in awe of His might and holiness.  No doubt, it is still hard to watch as the enemy is given into Joshua's hand time and time again, as the Israelites hang men on trees until evening, as Achan is stoned to death even after telling the truth, but all of it is evidence of the Lord's radical faithfulness to His own and to His glory. 

Joshua chapter ten is blowing my mind!  In verses 8-10 with regard to the approaching Amorites, the text reads,

"The Lord said to Joshua, 'Do not fear them, for I have given them into your hands.  Not a man of them shall stand before you.'  So Joshua came upon them suddenly, having marched up all night from Gilgal.  And the LORD threw them into a panic before Israel, who struck them with a great blow at Gibeon and chased them by the way of the ascent of Beth-horon and struck them as far as Azekah and Makkedah."

Joshua was called not to fear because God had already given his enemies into his hands and had already promised victory.  Joshua acts--and it's the promise that gives him the confidence to do so.  It's the Lord, though, who throws the enemy into a panic while Israel pursues them.   Many more die from the Lord's hail than by Israel's sword, so while the Israelites have the privilege and responsibility of fighting with and for the Lord, He won for them!  They were called to battle, called not to fear, and called to be strong and courageous, but not without assurance that Almighty God was on their side.  Had they disobeyed the Lord's call, their promised blessings would likely have been further delayed, as we've already seen in Exodus and Numbers; delayed, but never thwarted.  In verses 18 and 19, the Lord again indicates that He's already given the enemy into Israel's hand, and presents this as the very reason for them to pursue and attack, confident that victory will be theirs.  

All of this is so encouraging, because it's the same for us.  There is hardly ever an imperative command from the Lord without an indicative statement about who He is, what He has done and will do, and who His people are in Him.  In Titus 2 we're told, "The grace of God has appeared...training us" to renounce ungodliness and to pursue holiness.  It's His grace that trains us!  The confidence that He has already won the battle breathes life and courage into us!  We still have to rise up and fight, but it's the banner that reads "It is finished" and the truth that death has lost its sting because of Christ's coming that give us the strength and desire and joy to press on.  Hallelujah!

Love (III)

BY GEORGE HERBERT, 1633

Love bade me welcome, yet my soul drew back,

               Guilty of dust and sin.

But quick-ey'd Love, observing me grow slack

               From my first entrance in,

Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning

               If I lack'd any thing.

"A guest," I answer'd, "worthy to be here";

               Love said, "You shall be he."

"I, the unkind, ungrateful? ah my dear,

               I cannot look on thee."

Love took my hand, and smiling did reply,

               "Who made the eyes but I?"

"Truth, Lord, but I have marr'd them; let my shame

               Go where it doth deserve."

"And know you not," says Love, "who bore the blame?"

               "My dear, then I will serve."

"You must sit down," says Love, "and taste my meat."

               So I did sit and eat.

Just Friends?

Last night, after a game of ultimate frisbee at UNT's campus in our sweet southern seventy degree weather, about eight gal friends, three guy friends and I returned to our big red house for some tilapia and table talk.

After chatting for a while about brokenness and dependency, loving the people who we are most naturally inclined to hate, and some up-and-coming afro-american hairdos, the convo took a quick and passionate turn to this infamous question: "Can guys and girls be 'just friends'?"  I mean, really? Successfully? Long term?

This video will give you a good laugh because of what the opinions of each gender tend to be (at least on one college campus).  A little inapprope...but telling? :



But I stood (and stand) confused, and a bit troubled.  I feel like there are plenty of guys with whom I am just friends, no weirdness there, no questions asked.  That's not to say I don't have to be careful in not giving them the wrong idea by sharing my whole life story and all my hopes and dreams and struggles and prayers.  There's a degree of guardedness and distance that has to stay between guys and gals who are not journeying together toward or in marriage.  But still.

As we all sat discussing, with much waving of hands and shaking of heads, Brandon offered up  Genesis 2 as a defense for why a man cannot, for long, see a woman as "just a friend."  He explained that men are "just wired" to seek one fit for them until they can exclaim, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh," and so if a friendship he has with a woman is progressing and they enjoy each other's company and spend more than a little time together, it's inevitable that he will begin to have feelings toward her as more than for just a friend.

How hard is that?  It makes me a little sad, and with reason.  I think it's a product of the fall that we, as women, have to be so careful in word and deed toward the opposite sex, lest we become subtly manipulative or slowly give them a reason to hope for something that just isn't there.  Our hearts are deceitful, ever longing for intimacy and affection, and too easily we let them rule us instead of begging wisdom from Him who is greater than our hearts (1 John 3:20).

Thankfully, as in lots issues that I've heard recently talked about with regard to friendship and dating, such as unmarried couples praying together, the length of engagement before marriage, and the "line" when it comes to guarding your heart from early-awakened love, there is no formula for how to maneuver the friendship road safely with members of the opposite sex; instead, we're given a Person: Jesus Himself, who gives us His Holy Spirit to dwell in, comfort, teach and guide the ones who see Him and savor Him and seek to follow Him.  And He gives us His Word, which exposes and counsels and illumines our hearts and never returns to Him void.  

Were there A+B=C black-and-white answers for all the daily-grind-how-does-this-work questions we wrestle with, we would miss the point of our lives: Him.  Total dependence on the Lord to fill us with real love and wisdom and self-control, because in and of ourselves we are totally helpless.


Below are some interesting blogs from a couple of leaders in our church that bear testament to the grey nature of a lot of dating issues.  Both of these guys love Jesus and love their flocks; the first blog is written by Ed Jones, an elder of DBC who was in the secret service for years; the second one is written by Jeff, our thirty-something CollegeLife leader.

http://manlyskills.wordpress.com/2012/01/03/dating-for-christian-men/

http://collegelife.org/2011/12/17/dont-pray-together-and-other-bad-dating-advice-for-christians/

2 Corinthians 4:4

While there was still some smoke in the sky, 
the last monarch butterfly passed over Texas
and the ground broke beneath summer-worn sneakers;
tomorrow, tomorrow we would rest.


We lift up our eyes; our roots are dry
and through the tents and shields of our aging skin
we can no longer make out the stars.


All is so silent here, a needle
moving slowly through white fabric
or grey wings lighting on a far-away rock. 
(But press your face into the tide and see: 
the undertow of loneliness moves 
like blunt scissors on cords of kindness.)


We keep photos of once-sweet rivers 
flowing through our open fingers
and week-old birthday cake holds its form;
were you to taste it, the dust would stick 
so thickly to your tongue--
always pretty at a distance.


There's a mountain we've heard of 
that the salty current cannot touch, 
where a great feast awaits those who come--


But sit with us and watch the leaves change
with leftovers tucked deeply in your pockets--
watch as grass withers and flowers fade,
as snowflakes hush all spinning wheels.

Sit with us and stay a while.